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Inevitable

May 18, 2012

Oh no! You’re crying after I’ve laid you down! Here, let me pick you up and comfort you.

You want to grab my sunglasses and taste them? That’s cute, go ahead, sweetie.

You want me to watch you spin around in the middle of the living room right when I’m talking on the phone? Sure, darling, I’m sure they’ll understand. You, after all, are more important.

You don’t want to eat your food? That’s okay, I don’t want you to stifle your personality!

You don’t want to take a bath? Please, sweetheart. If you do, I’ll let you stay up and watch TV.

School is boring? I guess I’ll have to take you, since you missed the bus again.

Wow, look at the walls covered in crayon and marker! How creative!

Supper’s ready! Should I bring a plate to your bedroom again?

You tried to kiss a girl at recess? How precious!

One of these days, you should help Mommy pick up your clothes.

Five dollars is not enough? Okay, Sunshine, we’ll increase your allowance to ten. We want you to know that we love you.

But it’s 2 A.M.! I wish you wouldn’t play your video games so long.

They won’t let you wear that to school? What fuddy duddies they are! I’m going to complain to the principal.

She didn’t give you a passing grade? Well, it’s her fault for being such a lousy teacher!

Your girlfriend treated you like that? How dare she! She didn’t know what she had!

Of course you can have the car to go out tonight. I just filled it up with gas for you, too.

It’s amazing how no one is hiring. The economy must be worse than I thought.

Yes, I’ll cosign for you. You gotta get ahead somehow, right?

DUI!? That’s ridiculous, those breathalyzers are so inaccurate!

That was totally unfair for them to keep your deposit. We should sue.

That boss was a real jerk. You should be glad you don’t work there any more.

Hello? Yes, I’ll accept collect call charges. Hello? Are you alright? What? You gotta be kidding me! They can’t do that to you! Those charges will never stick! I’ll be right down to bail you out, dear. Now you don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. I’ll be right down.

Where did I go wrong with you? Didn’t I show you enough love? I just wanted to be your best friend. Why are you acting this way?

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