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Zombie Self

February 14, 2012

My eyes try to focus on the blurry alarm clock. It’s making a terrible din, and in a semi-conscious reflex, my left arm flails at the snooze button. And immediately there’s the zombie, saying how nice it would be to sleep a little longer. C’mon, just a little bit longer. I drag the revolver off of the nightstand and point it at the zombie’s head. Pulling the trigger, the firearm jolts into my hand and the zombie crashes to the floor.

I walk to the bathroom, but behind me I hear the zombie moaning and pulling himself to his feet. In the shower, I let the hot water run over me as my mind clears. The zombie wants to stay in the shower until all the hot water is exhausted. I crack the zombie’s rib cage with a blow from my elbow, sending him crashing against the porcelain. I step out, get dressed and I’m off to work. As I leave the house, I hear the zombie scratching and struggling to pull himself from between the tub and toilet.

I’m absorbed in a task at work when Zombie shows up. He wants to take a break and play solitaire, just for a little while. Sighing, I select the largest box-end wrench from my tool box. The heavy wrench strikes the zombie’s misshapen head, and he slumps to the concrete floor. I step over his twisted body and turn back to my work.

I get home from work and I feel pretty tired. The zombie suggests we ignore the family and sit down to watch some TV. I put my foot in front of his and shove. The zombie goes smashing head-first into the corner of the refrigerator, its neck snapping back grotesquely. A gurgle bubbles from its throat as I turn to talk to my wife. I feel the zombie’s hand clutched to my ankle, so I stomp on its wrist and grind the crunchy bones into the carpet with my heel.

After the kids are in bed, the zombie pulls out a chair for me and logs onto my facebook. I really wish he didn’t know my password. I get up to let the cat in, and grab the zombie by the neck, dragging him away from the laptop. The zombie is unceremoniously ejected, landing in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the front steps. I close and deadbolt the door behind him.

As I shuffle toward the bedroom, I know the zombie will be waiting for me in the morning. It’s just his nature.

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” Romans 7:21-25  ( NIV )

“…the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” Matthew 11:12 ( NKJV )

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2 Comments
  1. Zombie days are the worst!

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